FOR-EV-ER

I am no more a theologian than Oprah Winfrey is a doctor.  Most of what I think about the Bible, a whole bunch of people before me have thought, too. That doesn’t mean I didn’t come to my own conclusions, but it does mean that I don’t exactly think these grand, ridiculous thoughts that come out of no where.  Hence, that is disclaimer number one.

Disclaimer number two is this: this is my opinion on the matter. The only one that knows any of these things for certain is God. So unless you’re God, get your panties out of your butt and relax.  :) 

The other night, my dear ‘ole Dad and I got into a bit of a discussion about whether or not a Christian can lose their salvation.  I’m not sure I’ve thought about this a lot before… but for some reason, when he started talking about how he was certain believers can, in fact, lose their salvation if they turn their back on God, I felt a chord struck in me and verses run into my head.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation–the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Cor. 5:17).  That’s the first verse I thought of, and I figured, Daddy may be wrong about this! (I know, challenging my dad… major risk, here).  But here’s the deal… when I buy new jeans to replace the ones that get ripped down the crotch, I don’t like, put on my new pants, but keep my old ones around just in case.  No way! I’m set in my jeans, and happy that they’re new… and I couldn’t be talked into wearing the old ones even if you offered me life where I wasn’t allergic to ice cream!  They show my undies… and that’s no good! I like the new jeans better! I throw the old ones out. They go to the dump. Mice use them for beds.

So I kept thinking, and after my dad challenged me to research my point of view (he didn’t shut me down completely, which means I must have said something that made him think)… I decided to go to a place that is way smarter than me. No, not the internets… and not my husband…. or my mom (though she is wicked smart)… I went to the Bible. And to my recollection of what all my brilliant professors taught about it.

I hate it when I read up on these types of things, and people share only the verses that back up their case, so I’m not going to do that. Instead, let’s begin here with a counter-argument.

¹⁸ do not consider yourself to be superior to those other branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. ¹⁹ You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” ²⁰ Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble. ²¹ For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either. ²² Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off. Romans 11:18-22

I thought back to my days in Romans and Galatians class (and cursed myself for throwing my notes out)… and remember something that Dr. Miller said about this. I don’t, for the record, know what he believes on this subject as a whole. But I do remember him talking about the fact that Israel was the original (natural) branches… but that some did not believe at all… and even though they were born into the great country of Israel… that doesn’t mean that they got salvation right off. They rejected God, and even though they rejected him, God still used the nation as a whole to open the doors to Him to Jews and Gentiles alike. Thus, Gentiles are the ingrafted branches.  But, if a Gentile chooses not to believe, that means they’re not part of God’s tree… just like the Jews that don’t believe. …. Now, I may have butchered that, but that’s what I believe I remember, and as I look at it again, it makes sense to me.

⁴ It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, ⁵ who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age ⁶ and who have fallen^[a]away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.  Hebrews 6:4-6

Now, we read this and we’re like, DUDE! It’s true! You CAN LOSE IT!!! But wait. Context is everything.

In this, he’s talking throughout this about a generation (the Israelites) that saw the works of God up close and personal, but still rejected him.  It reminds me of the bit about how even the demons know who God is, but reject him. Knowledge isn’t everything… belief is.  Thus, even if we grow up in church, see thousands of miracles, even if we talk about Jesus all the time… if we never really believe (and I believe that belief is shown through how one’s life is lived… cuz belief should change you… but we’ll get to that) then we’re not going to ever have salvation… just like the demons.

Ok, so let’s consider further the verses that I see as supporting the “You is Saved FOREVER!” principle.

¹³ I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.  1 John 5:13

Ok, so 1 John is all about the love of God as shown through Jesus, and how we are to love because of how he loved us. So, essentially, at the end, John is saying, “Dude, I wanted you to know these things because when you know them (believe)… you get eternal life!”  Now, I don’t know about you, but if I have eternal life, and then God takes it away from me, I don’t think that’s really eternal life. Once again, I suggest that perhaps… those that “fall away” are either Christians who have suppressed the Holy Spirit (and are likely living in agony for that very reason), or they’re people who liked the idea of Jesus, but never really made him the LORD of their life.  Because, I mean, how can you know God but never change? OR how can you know God, and then end up worse than you were before you knew him? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

There’s honestly tons more verses that I could look at… but you’ve probably already stopped reading. Hopefully dad still is though.  :)

Essentially, I came to this belief because as I read the Bible, it seems to fit into the entirety of what the Bible is saying.  God created a perfect earth, but humans chose to be stupid. God can’t live with stupid. Jesus came and died for the sins of all of us.  Jesus said that if we believe in him, the Spirit (which he says is far better) enters us and makes us into a new creation. We are then are given the supernatural ability to live out God’s kingdom as it was intended here on earth. We still sin, but if we hold to our faith, it gets better.  And let me just say, without God, I’d never have been able to do anything nice for anyone, let alone live for others.  AKA, true faith in God is shown by how you live.  True unfaith in God, will show in how you live… even if it takes a while.  We can all act good for at least a little while, right?

So if we’re new creations, and if we’re given eternal life, and if we’re living out God’s kingdom here on earth… honestly, I don’t understand how anyone could walk away.  Life may throw everything at us, but John 10:29 says that nothing can snatch us out of the hand of God.  And that’s what I’ve chosen to believe.  And I’m not saying you have to, but I would say you should at least think about what you believe… because what you believe about things like this will totally change the way you live and the way you talk about God.

Ok, I have a flight to catch in the morning. Good night

Oh, one last disclaimer… I only fight (discuss) in person… so if you actually wanna talk through these things, let’s wait till the next time we see each other (or skype each other). Otherwise, go find someone else and talk to them. Hopefully you believe different things so you both can grow

What Would Happen If.

Garrett can’t make it through a day without asking at least three “what would happen if” scenarios. Things such as “what would happen if an army of midgets burst out of that building over there and started marching towards us?”, or “what would happen if those fuzzy sheep you like started chasing you with anger in their eyes, bahhing malicious threats at you as they went?”  Essentially, our lives stay pretty interesting and imagination friendly thanks to Garrett, and I can’t say I’d have it any other way.

The thing is, however, that with the wedding only 5 days away, I keep having such scenarios pop in my head, all wedding related.  ( and yes, I blame Gar)  I thought I’d share some, and hopefully you all can assure me that such things are preposterous… though humorous to ponder. Here goes nothing.

1. What would happen if the place we’re getting married catches on fire, burns to the ground, and is thus rendered useless… thus keeping us from EVER getting married because the rapture comes the very next day?!

2.  What would happen if, in the middle of the reception, the cupcakes (all 250 of them) fall on a small child as they’re choosing their delectable goodness, smothering them in layers of icing, causing the child to run around the hall telling people he’s the cake?

3.  What would happen if no one dances, and Garrett and I are left on the dance floor all by our lonesomes, awkwardly dancing the night away while onlookers sit and throw silverware at us?

4.  What would happen if Dennis, our pastor, forgets English and starts speaking in Japanese, and no one else there is able to translate… and thus, we can’t get married because we don’t know when to say ‘I do’?

5.  What would happen if I sleep too late on my wedding day, and everyone leaves for it without me, and there are no cars left behind, and my cell phone mysteriously dies, and the home phones all fall and break? WHAT THEN?

6.  What would happen if Garrett forgets his pants, and decides that it’s a sign that he shouldn’t actually be marrying me, and thus runs off into the woods forever, becomes a hermit, and writes a 10,000 page manifesto?

That’s all I got… for now.  I get a new one almost hourly.  I understand why weddings are stressful in the last week, now… it’s not because I have too much to do, it’s because I have nothing to do, and my mind keeps playing tricks on me because of it!!! BAH, GOOD ORGANIZATION!!!!!!!!!  But I mean, what would happen if I hadn’t planned ahead and gotten everything for the wedding done early, and thus forgot to buy a dress or order cake, and was so upset that I ran away and wrote my own manifesto instead of marrying Gar? WHAT THEN!?

Oh the Places I’ve Been, and Have Yet to Go!

There are no words that I could write that would accurately portray exactly what I’m feeling right now. Seems to be a common occurence of late. But as I sit here, the day of my graduation, I can’t help but remember a book that was read at my high school graduation, just four short years ago. Dr. Suess’ “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”… and as I read the last few paragraphs, I can’t help but reflect on and remember Cedarville, and the growing that it caused in me, and the growing that is still to come.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek, 
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.

Cedarville, it’s been real.  You’ve watched me stumble along as I’ve tried to figure myself out, you’ve provided encouraging people at the right times, and above all, you’ve reminded me that with Christ as my foundation, I truly can handle “Life’s Great Balancing Act”.  I know this is only the beginning, and yet it is also an ending.  I feel blessed deep inside of my deepest parts by these past four years, and I look forward to the day when we’re all together again in front of our Lord, glorifying him in song, shouts, and dance, because he is so so so so GOOD.  I will look forward to it with anticipation until it comes, but until then… all I can say is thanks.  These past four years have been immeasurably more beyond all that I could have asked or imagined.  I am forever changed. For reals.

To say that I’m terrified is an understatement.  Mortified gets us a little bit closer to feeling, but still doesn’t encompass it.  Scared to death… a phrase that encompasses only some of the feeling that I have.  Afraid of failure–and wishing that quitting was a viable option… now that’s more like it.

It all started when Garrett and I visited Maine this last weekend.  From the time that Garrett applied for a job in Maine, I figured that it would never work out, so I never really worried about it. When Garrett told me that he was having interviews with them, I began to be concerned, and then when he asked me what weekend we could visit, the fear really started to set in.  A worship/youth pastor position in Maine? That’s three days drive from mom… 2 days drive from Cedarville… and not at all where I want to live.  At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.

But things got really scary during the visit, because Garrett and I quickly fell in love. The people at the church are some of the most welcoming and genuine we’ve met.  The area is gorgeous, and we can’t seem to shake the lure of the slower kind of life from our desires.  Not to mention, their accents make them completely endearing.

And so, I’m afraid. Afraid of what the future will hold–afraid that I won’t be able to handle it.  All of the sudden, bills, marriage, moving, managing, and new jobs are on the horizon, and I can’t help but feel completely unprepared.  I know this is the point where I should be inserting some “God will be there” typical saying, and though I believe that, getting my heart to remember that has been a different story.  But I do need to keep reminding myself that God will provide for us, that he has been so faithful throughout our entire lives, and that he will continue to watch over us and use us as he sees fit. I’m really afraid of being used by God, because I’m afraid I’ll disappoint him.  But like Gar always tells me, “God doesn’t just give you the keys to salvation, and set you on your own.  He’s with you every step of the way.”  He’ll have to be, because I don’t think I’ll make it if He’s not.

Ahhhh. Young Love.

Have you ever witnessed true love? I mean, really witnessed it?

I have.

Call me what you will, but I can honestly say that I have only ever seen love between a man and a woman be what it was meant to be, when the object of their united love is Christ.  Today, Garrett cleaned my room… like, spic’n'span, dusted things and washed my sheets cleaned it… it was perfect. But after he did that, my thoughts didn’t focus on him, they went to the God that gave me to him. Such love, that God would choose to bless me with Garrett. That he would choose to give me a breath, let alone a house, two legs, and people that love me.  Garrett’s love points me to the love of Christ. And the joy that I am filled with is evident, I’d like to think, because my love for Garrett is aided and used by God to let Garrett know he is loved by the One that created him.

I saw this the other day as well, when I was shooting engagement pictures for two of my dear friends. Let me share.

As you can see, their love is obvious. And I think they would each agree that it is only the love of God that has given them such an ability to love.

Let me share one more picture with you.

I am a full believer in the saying by Mother Theresa: “Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.”

I’m also going to add a new saying: “Do not think that love, because it is young, will fail. What we need, no matter the age, is to love because Christ first loved us.  That is love that lasts, because it is not seflish, but selfless love.”

Diagnosing Diseases

I think I discovered a new disease. Well, maybe didn’t discover it… because it’s always been around, but maybe my discussion of it will raise awareness so that the cure will be found. Who am I kidding, the cure has been found already… it just seems that so many go undiagnosed that they don’t ever get treatment.

Wanna know what the disease symptoms are?

• An uncontrollable urge to critique
• The inability to simply enjoy many situations due to the inability to control critiquing
• Lack of ability to see the good in things
• General grumpy/pessimistic attitude
• Grouping together with others that show similar symptoms
• The inability to admit one’s own fault in things
• A disposition of constant correctness regardless of the actual truth of the matter
• The rectifying of possible wrongness by convincing oneself of superiority/correctness

I don’t really have a name for this disease, but many of us suffer from it. In fact, I’m a recovering sufferer.  The first step is admitting it.  We know these people well, because many of us are these people.  They are the ones that sit around and offer critique after critique of everything, but never really offer a concrete solution or affirmation after their critique.  In Christian circles, these are the ones that after service, point out the inconsistencies in the message or complain that the worship wasn’t up to par.  They’re the ones that always have a comment, but rarely offer help to those they’re critiquing. In fact, they rarely even tell that person their critique… instead, they often prefer to simply spread their critique throughout their circle of friends like a disease so that not long after, they’ve all adopted the same point of view.  And let me clarify quickly, when I say “critique” throughout this blog, I’m referring to the type of critiquing that is for no other purpose but to point out that which the critic finds unacceptable.  It is not critique that is used to build into someone else, because it often isn’t shared with that person/persons. Instead, it is critique simply for the sake of the critic being able to hear their own voice.

These people, the critics, are the ones that often “justify” their behavior/critiquing in order to make it seem like they’re not doing anything wrong.  ”Well, it’s annoying, so I should point it out!”  ”It’s totally fine for me to say that, I’d say it to their face (though I never actually plan on doing that)!”  and my personal favorite: “I’m just saying what true”.  They justify their poor attitude by making themselves believe they have the right to act that way and say such things.  They convince themselves that their education and upbringing give them the right to think that way, and plus, they’re just trying to keep others from blinding following.

Now, because I don’t want to simply critique and then offer no suggestions, here is where I shift.  What to do when we suffer from Persistent Critiquer’s Syndrome (oh, it looks like I found a name for it!)???

First of all… pray.  Only God can change this in you, and in fact, only he can point it out to you. So first, pray that God shows you if you are being this negative nancy-type.  Second, listen to what you’re saying.  I said before that a common excuse made by these people is that they’re simply telling the truth.  The Bible says that it, itself, is the only truth.  Thus, if you are telling the truth, you’re speaking Scripture. Listen to what you’re saying, and ask yourself, is this really the truth, or is this my opinion?  Third, remember what Thumper said: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Until you can change the way you speak about things, shut up for a while.  Proverbs says that even a fool can be quiet and be thought wise.  And fourth, fill yourself with truth so you can pour it out.  Read God’s word, remind yourself of what is really true, and then speak those things.

I have a challenge for all of you: focus on what you’re saying to people and look at how it affects them. Much of what we say is laced with sarcasm, judgment, and pridefulness.  Listen to how those things affect people. And then, when you manage to squeak out some truth and pour that into others, listen to what that does to them.  Watch as the life you give them in your words brightens and encourages them, rather than tears them down or makes them defensive. Watch how speaking truth and love then opens the door to helpful critique that offers an alternative, rather than critique for the sake of critique.

I think we’ve gotten too comfortable sharing our negative opinions on things without actually thinking about what  filth  is coming out of our mouths, spewing dirt and vomit on places that didn’t need to be critiqued in the first place.  As followers of Christ, we were called to speak the truth in love–not our opinions in love.  If we spent more time in the word rather than in our own thoughts–heck, if I spent more time in the Word rather than in my own thoughts–consider how many people we could be building up and loving on.  I think giving life to people is way more important than getting our own personal thoughts across… but then again, that’s just my opinion.

And the blog has ended, but the following is an example in my own life of the helpful affects of life-giving speech. (and yes, it’s about Garrett… lay off)

One time, long ago, I made the mistake of telling Garrett that sometimes I struggle with how I think about my looks.  It stems from issues way back when… some of them unintentional, others due to the insecurities of others. Let’s just say, though, that I grew up into a young woman who was afraid that my nose is too big, my muscles too manly, and my face in desperate need of makeup to cover up all of my imperfections.

I told Garrett this about 4 months into our relationship, and was surprised with the reaction.  After the initial frustration that I would believe such lies (and that’s what they are), Garrett made it his lifelong goal to make me understand how beautiful I am. Along with praying for me, he began to tell me every day, multiple times, just how gorgeous I am.  He’d encourage me to take off my mask of makeup because he loved seeing my real face. He’d tell me that he loved that I was in shape… and he’d even tell me that he loves my nose–and plus, his is bigger anyway (or so he’d say).

At first, all the attention annoyed me because my insecurity kept lying to me that he didn’t believe what he was saying. But then, about a half year ago, we had another talk about my negative body image… and he started to cry in frustration.  And that’s when I understood; what was coming out of his mouth wasn’t lies, it was truth–truth that should have been spoken to me long ago, but was always neglected.  In that instance, I finally understood the power of words.  We spend so much time talking about everything else under the sun, but we so rarely take the time to speak truth to each other, and those are the only words that really do something.  How silly are we?

Garrett’s truth speaking changed my views of myself. I rarely wear makeup. I can’t remember the last time I was concerned about the size of my nose.  And my muscles? I’d rather have those than flab any day  Garrett allowed God to work through him to speak truth to me, and look what it did.

And so I ask… what have you been talking about? Did you really make your words count?  When’s the last time you focused on giving life with your words?

Thoughts from the Ref Stand.

It’s interesting as you stand six feet off the ground for 14 hours what you learn.  When you’re tired from the morning’s drive and the lack of sleep the night before, hungry because once again you didn’t pack enough food (or any cash for that matter), and inwardly whining about the pain in your lumbar region, just what you think about.  Thoughts drift in and out as you stand up there… What am I going to eat when I’m done? Should I have called that lift? Nahh…. they’re only thirteen.  That cheesecake last night was amazing.  Oops… how long has that coach been calling for a timeout?  Will my ears ring again tonight (for the record, yes)… But perhaps the most common occurence on the ref stand (other than actually paying attention to the game… which I do actually do) is the little realizations I come to during the hours I’m up there, volleyballs whizzing by my face.  I’ve chosen to share some with you, because I feel as though when you come to realize something, it’s meant to be shared.

The things I figured out while on the ref stands.

1. There is nothing cuter than a 13 year old who is wearing spandex that are way too big.

2. A good ref builds the confidence of their line judge and makes them feel encouraged after they make a decent call. You can tell by the happy face they get after you tell them “good job” with that half-hazard smile you manage to squeeze out as you try to both motion which side 0f the court gets the ball, and balance the whistle (your best friend and arch-nemesis) in your teeth.

3. Short, chunky girls with big glasses and freckles aren’t good at volleyball.  But they sure are adorable.

4. Reffing enters you into a family.  Even though there were only four refs there (including me), they each looked out for me and made sure I was not only confident and not getting trouble from the fans, but also that I was improving as the day went on.  It’s nice to feel supported.

5. 13 year old down-refs are mostly useless.

6. Blowing a whistle all day sure works up the thirst.  Also, use your Fox 40 whistle upside down to prevent hearing loss.

7. It is a travesty to put polyester on a butt as nice as mine… and navy no less? I mean, really. Who thought of that as a reffing uniform?  I mean… my pants literally go up to my belly button… and they have a side zipper.  I’m only 21! Oh, the humanity. (Feel free to watch this to understand….http://www.hulu.com/watch/10333/saturday-night-live-mom-jeans (and yes, my pants are from JC Penney).

8. It is impossible to say my last name right on your first try. Especially if you’re 13.

9. The ref stand is the perfect place to… well… pass gas.  I know, inappropriate… but so true! Sorry… I ate cheesecake last night and I’m lactose intolerant…. so yeah.

10. The average 13 year old Ace cheer goes something like this: clap clap snap clap “A” smack, clap, clap, “C”, clap, snap, clap, “E”, snap, clap, clap, clap, clap, smack, clap “ACE”!!!!!!!, clap clap clap clap clap!!!!!!!! SQUEAL!!!!!! snap clap clap smack clap!!!!!!! Clap snap clap SNAP CLAP SQUEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

11. When you tell a down-ref to pretend like she’s stopping a freight train with the loudness of her whistle… she takes it to heart and severely damages the hearing abilities of the poor girls that are just trying to sub in and out of the game in peace.

And Finally…

12. I realized that the view from the ref stand is often what we think of as how God sees us.  To many Christians, he’s just a guy who blows a whistle, keeps you in line… and doesn’t let you get away with stuff.  But as I pondered this on the ref stand, I realized something.  Not only is he like the ref who keeps you in line and puts rules in place that you have to follow in order to win the game, he’s also the coach…the fans…and the teammates.  He’s the one that sets out the game plan and puts you in a place where you can be used.  He’s the one that yells at you, “HEY! You can do it!”, and he’s the one who is beside you the entire time to walk through the game of life with you.  He’s the teammate you can count on (like a libero), the one that not only tells you to give everything to him (like a setter), but also the one that blocks things from coming your way (like a front row player).  He’s your biggest fan, your guide, your boundary setter, and your friend. And it’s funny, because he’s so much more than that.  I think that we too often limit God, and think that he’s either just our referee… or he’s just our referee with a little coach sprinkled in. He’s the guy that tells you what to do, and punishes you when you don’t do it. Instead, he’s the one who sees all, knows all, guides all, and experiences it all with y0u. Mmmm Mmmm good.  He is so worthy of praise.

Also, he gave me the most beautiful sunset to enjoy on the way home. I just wanted to give God a little shout out for that, cuz it was gorgeous.

Death by Flowers

Hi, my name is Kylee Husak, and I must admit something. I’m a control freak. And a saving money freak. And a craft freak. Why is this important, you ask? Well, let me explain.

Four months ago during Christmas break, I got a brilliant idea. After pondering decorations for our wedding reception, all the while being hell-bent on NOT spending my inheritance on it (the average wedding costs $30,000… no joke), I decided that the best idea for decorations would be ones that were handmade. And so it began. I blame Martha Stewart.

It all began with flowers that look like this when finished.   The thing is, they really do turn out looking this great. Unfortunately, what they don’t tell you is how they look at during the different stages. Like, they didn’t tell me that each flower would take at least 10 minutes to complete.  And they also didn’t warn me that my perfectionist tendencies would make me uncomfortable about having anyone help. (I know, that one is my bad). As I calculate it, I’m finding that I’ll have to make at the very least 192 of these. That’s at the very least 32 hours making flowers. But let’s be honest, I’m not focused enough to do it in that amount of time. And that’s just the flowers we’re thinking about, too.

What else, you say? Let me show you a little picture.

That’s all the other stuff I’m making… well, some of it. You’ll notice the half-done flowers in the top left corner. When I get home from school, I’ll have to spread the petals out and paint them.  Oh, and then I’ll put them into their respective center pieces as well. Which are adorable, by the way.

But on the bright side, I’ve already finished the guest book, the invitations, and the calligraphy for the invitations…. I got really good at calligraphy during that time.  And I really enjoyed doing it.

Thus, let me explain the point of this post. It isn’t in the slightest to complain about all the work I’m doing for the wedding. I thoroughly enjoy it, and yes, though the flowers are slightly monotonous at times, it’s a blessing to be able to make something that is so cost effective and so gorgeous.  And the other projects? I wouldn’t do them if I didn’t want to.

And so I am ready to make an offer and an encouragement. To all people out there afraid of crafts… I’m here to help.  I’ll teach you to make anything I’ve already made, or I’ll enter the journey with you toward figuring out how to make something else.  Likewise, let me encourage you that a wedding CAN be handmade… and it doesn’t have to kill you. Also, I wanted to let you know that HEY! I do calligraphy! And I’ll make you a guestbook! With ample time, I’ll do whatever you need… I may ask for a little bit of labor cost… but not because I don’t love you. Simply because I have to feed my Gar… and he’s a big eater

And finally, I just wanted to let you all know that I’M GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I’m going to go make lemon blueberry muffins now. I’m such a housewife already.

Relating.

It’s no secret that when sin entered the world, it ruined everything.  But I think I finally figured out what it ruined, specifically, that most bothers me. Relationships.  Because of the Fall, our ability to be in relationship with other people is so drastically skewed. We now demand things of each other, expect things from one another, and overall we use one another without even thinking about what we’re doing.  I just read The Shack. Think what you will about the theology in there–that’s not the purpose of the book–but I’d have to say that the look it gives us into relationships and how they should have been is drastically different than what we actually do.

Throughout the book, God is displayed as three persons that are all one (AKA the Trinity).  Together, they spend the duration of the book working to heal Mack, the main character, of the intense sadness he feels after losing his daughter to a brutal killer.  What I like most about God in this book is watching how the three persons interact.  The writer portrays them as utterly obsessed with one another–showing their giddiness and enjoyment of one another. In a way, it seems so innocent because the love they give each other is so pure, but it also seems so deep, because instead of demanding something of one another, they delight in serving one another.  What they experience among themselves is pure and utter enjoyment.  I can imagine God saying to himself, “huh, I just love that Holy Spirit… what a gem.  And Jesus, I’m just so fond of him.”  No sarcasm in that, but instead simple enjoyment.

In one section of the book, Sarayu (who is depicted as the Holy Spirit) is talking to Mack about how humans change the verb of relationship to a noun, and what happens. “Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship.  You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations.  Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements.  It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend.” (pg 205)  That one hit me to the core, because it’s so easy to take relationships and demand things of them. When in reality, what God designed us to do is enjoy one other, to take heart when we are together and to allow the things we want the other to do to flow not out of an expectation, but to be the result of enjoyment. Practically, this means that because Garrett and I love each other and are in right relationship with each other where we simply enjoy instead of demand… I don’t even have to ask Garrett to wash the dishes and I don’t even have to expect him to lead me spiritually… he does those things out of his love for me and desire to serve me.  And with friends… because I enjoy them, I don’t spend time with them out of duty, I spend time with them because I delight to.  This may seem small to some of you relational people, but I struggle with it a lot. Oh, Ohh! And this means that we don’t use relationships to try to “save” people or to change them so that they do what we want them to do. Instead, we enjoy who they are at that moment even with their shortcomings, and together we grow toward what God desires us to be.  It sounds so much better than what we do, right? No more, “Um, I noticed your gossiping. You need to stop or I won’t be your friend.” Now it’s, “I love you so much, and I delight in the fact that we’re friends.  I feel burdened for you because I see that you struggle with gossip.  But I’m here for you.  I’m praying for you, and if you want to change, I’ll walk the path with you. But no matter what, I’ll be here… even if you don’t change for 16 years.”  How different is that?! And I can guarantee, with a friend like that I’d be way more apt to change…. just out of sheer delight of my friend and that the fact that they care that much about me.

Ok, so a lot of what I just said may have been difficult to follow. So here’ s the gist.  God created us to delight in one another… to love one another.  Out of this love is supposed to spring a desire to serve and provide for one another’s needs. Sin took that away, but as believers in the changing power of Christ, we must fight to live out our relationships in the way God created them to occur.  By doing that, by truly enjoying one another… not only are we living out what God desires for us, we show the world that relationships aren’t things to be used… they’re things to be blessed by.

Where Have All the Men Gone?

I’m a unique girl, in that when I was little, my dream man wasn’t one of the princes from the Disney movies… no no. The man of my dreams was in a Disney movie, but instead of being a prince, he was the antagonist. Gaston. Remember the burly guy from Beauty and the Beast… the one who eats dozens of eggs in the morning, tries to force himself on Belle, and is sure of what he wants.  Ok ok, I know he wasn’t exactly the most suave–or even appropriate–man ever, but once you move past the cynicism, male chauvinistic qualities, and overall rudeness, he’s way more of a man than most of the other “princes”.  In every movie, it’s the girl that is the stud.  She’s the one who knows what she wants and goes after it, the one who often saves her prince or frees herself so she can finally be with her prince.  In The Little Mermaid, Ariel saves Eric from Ursula after his failed attempt at saving her.  In Beauty and the Beast, though the Beast fights for his love, it’s Belle who ultimately saves him.  In Snow White, where is the prince to save her from her evil stepmother? No, he waits around until the end, after she’s already eaten the apple.  And the list goes on.

Now obviously, the theology in Disney movies is off… we all know that.  But I think that even as a little girl, I recognized that I didn’t want some wimp that I needed to save. I wanted a guy who stood up for what he wanted, and went after it with all his heart. Sure, Gaston is a dirtbag… but at least he was man enough to pursue Belle.  I think that’s what I liked about him, that he didn’t just roll over and let women decide his fate… not to mention his hairy chest was sexy.

And as I’ve continued to grow up, I still wonder where men of honor and purpose have gone.  Look at the men in sitcoms… they sit around while their wives run the house. Sure, they provide for the family materially, but that’s about the extent of their existence. The rest of their time is spent on the couch with a beer, making lewd remarks and watching TV. In According to Jim, Jim is the one who always messes everything up, then tries to hide it from his wife, who ends up having to fix it.  In the Simpsons, we all know who the idiot in the family is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKo1KB4zdHQ (I’m so happy this is who little boys have as their hero… the one they hang posters of and quote daily) And what about the Cosby Show, one of the ultimate family shows of all time… Cliff is the idiot and his wife is the one who keeps the family going. But he provides, right?

I think that’s the problem with guys now. The ones with “good” daddies know how to provide for their families.  They’ve been taught that sometimes, you have to get a job that you don’t like because it’s most important to buy your family whatever they want so that they’re happy.  And as long as you provide, it’s cool to hang with the guys, drink lots of beer, talk about lewd things, and spend your free time playing video games or watching TV.

Let’s look at what a man is really supposed to be.

1. A Disciple and Disciple-r:  I think of Paul in this instance.  He not only brought men along with him on his journeys so that he could share his wisdom with them, he likewise was taught and influenced by mentors of his own.  Half the New Testament belongs to him. This guy was so full of the Lord that he couldn’t help but talk about him all the time, recognizing that it was always an opportunity to fill those around him/those he was writing to with godly direction and wisdom.

2. Christ’s Representative: There’s the verse that people always point to Ephesians 5 about men loving their wives as Christ loves the church, but honestly I think that this is applicable to all believers in reference to how they are to love the rest of the world.  Every interaction a godly man has, every moment a godly man spends, he understand that there is a purpose to it. Think about all the idle talk and activities we spend our time on.  The godly men in the Bible recognized the gift of time… and spent it not only pouring into their close friends, but also those that God brought into their life.  Not just the easy to love, but the ones the world rejects.  Godly men don’t spend night after night with the same people in the same chair in front of the same TV doing the same thing.  While it’s important to spend time building into the lives of your friends, godly men recognize that there is a world outside of their own and that by seeking those that are in need of God and pouring love into their lives, they are acting as Christ’s Representatives to the world.

3. Godly Husband and Father: Here, I think a godly man takes the previous two (Disciple-r, Christ’s Representative) and put it into their relationship as a Husband and Father.  Thus, instead of spending most (notice I said most) of their free time with their friends or in front of the TV, they spend that time seeking out ways to practically love their wives and children.  Likewise, because the recognize the importance of pouring love into others, they teach their wives and children to do the same.  These are the types of Dads that take their kids to feed the homeless over Christmas, that encourage their wives to get a mentor and to have mentees, and that spend more time speaking life into other around them rather than wasting their speech on idle words or sarcastic jokes.  They are life-givers, and their children and wife respect them enough to follow them.

So where are the examples of this man on TV?  We all make fun of the silly depictions that Christian Media Groups try to portray of what a godly man should be… but at least they’re trying to supplement the media in this country with credible men that stand for something.  And honestly, how many of us can truly point to our own fathers or grandfathers as these men?  I’m thankful that for the most part, these are the men my father and Garrett’s father try to be.  Obviously they struggle, but in their struggle their goals are to have the previous three characteristics of what a godly man is.  But they are the exception rather than the norm.

Where do we go from here? Men, as a godly woman, I challenge you to get rid of the media that portrays you as a loser…. because that’s what our society is trying to teach you to be.  I challenge you to spend time building up your friends instead of living out surface relationships.  I challenge you to come to terms with whether or not your dad is this man, and to either thank him for his example, or recognize his shortcomings so that you will be able to recognize where you will likely struggle. But above all else, I beg you to take your role seriously. I apologize for the times that women castrate you by fighting your battles for you, doing your jobs for you, and taking over the spiritual aspect of relationships for you. I apologize that we don’t support you, believe in you, or encourage like we should.  I apologize that we don’t demand that you become men of honor before we date or marry you, because not only are we selling ourselves short, we sell you short.  You can be a man of God that loves him with reckless abandon, that pursues his will above all else, and that brings him glory with your life.  You can be a man that stands for truth, that disciples and loves on others, and that speaks life into those around you.  You can be like Jesus, like Paul, like the godly men that the Bible tells us about. I believe in you