Where Have All the Men Gone?

I’m a unique girl, in that when I was little, my dream man wasn’t one of the princes from the Disney movies… no no. The man of my dreams was in a Disney movie, but instead of being a prince, he was the antagonist. Gaston. Remember the burly guy from Beauty and the Beast… the one who eats dozens of eggs in the morning, tries to force himself on Belle, and is sure of what he wants.  Ok ok, I know he wasn’t exactly the most suave–or even appropriate–man ever, but once you move past the cynicism, male chauvinistic qualities, and overall rudeness, he’s way more of a man than most of the other “princes”.  In every movie, it’s the girl that is the stud.  She’s the one who knows what she wants and goes after it, the one who often saves her prince or frees herself so she can finally be with her prince.  In The Little Mermaid, Ariel saves Eric from Ursula after his failed attempt at saving her.  In Beauty and the Beast, though the Beast fights for his love, it’s Belle who ultimately saves him.  In Snow White, where is the prince to save her from her evil stepmother? No, he waits around until the end, after she’s already eaten the apple.  And the list goes on.

Now obviously, the theology in Disney movies is off… we all know that.  But I think that even as a little girl, I recognized that I didn’t want some wimp that I needed to save. I wanted a guy who stood up for what he wanted, and went after it with all his heart. Sure, Gaston is a dirtbag… but at least he was man enough to pursue Belle.  I think that’s what I liked about him, that he didn’t just roll over and let women decide his fate… not to mention his hairy chest was sexy.

And as I’ve continued to grow up, I still wonder where men of honor and purpose have gone.  Look at the men in sitcoms… they sit around while their wives run the house. Sure, they provide for the family materially, but that’s about the extent of their existence. The rest of their time is spent on the couch with a beer, making lewd remarks and watching TV. In According to Jim, Jim is the one who always messes everything up, then tries to hide it from his wife, who ends up having to fix it.  In the Simpsons, we all know who the idiot in the family is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKo1KB4zdHQ (I’m so happy this is who little boys have as their hero… the one they hang posters of and quote daily) And what about the Cosby Show, one of the ultimate family shows of all time… Cliff is the idiot and his wife is the one who keeps the family going. But he provides, right?

I think that’s the problem with guys now. The ones with “good” daddies know how to provide for their families.  They’ve been taught that sometimes, you have to get a job that you don’t like because it’s most important to buy your family whatever they want so that they’re happy.  And as long as you provide, it’s cool to hang with the guys, drink lots of beer, talk about lewd things, and spend your free time playing video games or watching TV.

Let’s look at what a man is really supposed to be.

1. A Disciple and Disciple-r:  I think of Paul in this instance.  He not only brought men along with him on his journeys so that he could share his wisdom with them, he likewise was taught and influenced by mentors of his own.  Half the New Testament belongs to him. This guy was so full of the Lord that he couldn’t help but talk about him all the time, recognizing that it was always an opportunity to fill those around him/those he was writing to with godly direction and wisdom.

2. Christ’s Representative: There’s the verse that people always point to Ephesians 5 about men loving their wives as Christ loves the church, but honestly I think that this is applicable to all believers in reference to how they are to love the rest of the world.  Every interaction a godly man has, every moment a godly man spends, he understand that there is a purpose to it. Think about all the idle talk and activities we spend our time on.  The godly men in the Bible recognized the gift of time… and spent it not only pouring into their close friends, but also those that God brought into their life.  Not just the easy to love, but the ones the world rejects.  Godly men don’t spend night after night with the same people in the same chair in front of the same TV doing the same thing.  While it’s important to spend time building into the lives of your friends, godly men recognize that there is a world outside of their own and that by seeking those that are in need of God and pouring love into their lives, they are acting as Christ’s Representatives to the world.

3. Godly Husband and Father: Here, I think a godly man takes the previous two (Disciple-r, Christ’s Representative) and put it into their relationship as a Husband and Father.  Thus, instead of spending most (notice I said most) of their free time with their friends or in front of the TV, they spend that time seeking out ways to practically love their wives and children.  Likewise, because the recognize the importance of pouring love into others, they teach their wives and children to do the same.  These are the types of Dads that take their kids to feed the homeless over Christmas, that encourage their wives to get a mentor and to have mentees, and that spend more time speaking life into other around them rather than wasting their speech on idle words or sarcastic jokes.  They are life-givers, and their children and wife respect them enough to follow them.

So where are the examples of this man on TV?  We all make fun of the silly depictions that Christian Media Groups try to portray of what a godly man should be… but at least they’re trying to supplement the media in this country with credible men that stand for something.  And honestly, how many of us can truly point to our own fathers or grandfathers as these men?  I’m thankful that for the most part, these are the men my father and Garrett’s father try to be.  Obviously they struggle, but in their struggle their goals are to have the previous three characteristics of what a godly man is.  But they are the exception rather than the norm.

Where do we go from here? Men, as a godly woman, I challenge you to get rid of the media that portrays you as a loser…. because that’s what our society is trying to teach you to be.  I challenge you to spend time building up your friends instead of living out surface relationships.  I challenge you to come to terms with whether or not your dad is this man, and to either thank him for his example, or recognize his shortcomings so that you will be able to recognize where you will likely struggle. But above all else, I beg you to take your role seriously. I apologize for the times that women castrate you by fighting your battles for you, doing your jobs for you, and taking over the spiritual aspect of relationships for you. I apologize that we don’t support you, believe in you, or encourage like we should.  I apologize that we don’t demand that you become men of honor before we date or marry you, because not only are we selling ourselves short, we sell you short.  You can be a man of God that loves him with reckless abandon, that pursues his will above all else, and that brings him glory with your life.  You can be a man that stands for truth, that disciples and loves on others, and that speaks life into those around you.  You can be like Jesus, like Paul, like the godly men that the Bible tells us about. I believe in you