It’s no secret that when sin entered the world, it ruined everything. But I think I finally figured out what it ruined, specifically, that most bothers me. Relationships. Because of the Fall, our ability to be in relationship with other people is so drastically skewed. We now demand things of each other, expect things from one another, and overall we use one another without even thinking about what we’re doing. I just read The Shack. Think what you will about the theology in there–that’s not the purpose of the book–but I’d have to say that the look it gives us into relationships and how they should have been is drastically different than what we actually do.
Throughout the book, God is displayed as three persons that are all one (AKA the Trinity). Together, they spend the duration of the book working to heal Mack, the main character, of the intense sadness he feels after losing his daughter to a brutal killer. What I like most about God in this book is watching how the three persons interact. The writer portrays them as utterly obsessed with one another–showing their giddiness and enjoyment of one another. In a way, it seems so innocent because the love they give each other is so pure, but it also seems so deep, because instead of demanding something of one another, they delight in serving one another. What they experience among themselves is pure and utter enjoyment. I can imagine God saying to himself, “huh, I just love that Holy Spirit… what a gem. And Jesus, I’m just so fond of him.” No sarcasm in that, but instead simple enjoyment.
In one section of the book, Sarayu (who is depicted as the Holy Spirit) is talking to Mack about how humans change the verb of relationship to a noun, and what happens. “Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend.” (pg 205) That one hit me to the core, because it’s so easy to take relationships and demand things of them. When in reality, what God designed us to do is enjoy one other, to take heart when we are together and to allow the things we want the other to do to flow not out of an expectation, but to be the result of enjoyment. Practically, this means that because Garrett and I love each other and are in right relationship with each other where we simply enjoy instead of demand… I don’t even have to ask Garrett to wash the dishes and I don’t even have to expect him to lead me spiritually… he does those things out of his love for me and desire to serve me. And with friends… because I enjoy them, I don’t spend time with them out of duty, I spend time with them because I delight to. This may seem small to some of you relational people, but I struggle with it a lot. Oh, Ohh! And this means that we don’t use relationships to try to “save” people or to change them so that they do what we want them to do. Instead, we enjoy who they are at that moment even with their shortcomings, and together we grow toward what God desires us to be. It sounds so much better than what we do, right? No more, “Um, I noticed your gossiping. You need to stop or I won’t be your friend.” Now it’s, “I love you so much, and I delight in the fact that we’re friends. I feel burdened for you because I see that you struggle with gossip. But I’m here for you. I’m praying for you, and if you want to change, I’ll walk the path with you. But no matter what, I’ll be here… even if you don’t change for 16 years.” How different is that?! And I can guarantee, with a friend like that I’d be way more apt to change…. just out of sheer delight of my friend and that the fact that they care that much about me.
Ok, so a lot of what I just said may have been difficult to follow. So here’ s the gist. God created us to delight in one another… to love one another. Out of this love is supposed to spring a desire to serve and provide for one another’s needs. Sin took that away, but as believers in the changing power of Christ, we must fight to live out our relationships in the way God created them to occur. By doing that, by truly enjoying one another… not only are we living out what God desires for us, we show the world that relationships aren’t things to be used… they’re things to be blessed by.
